There Are Some Things We Cannot Teach
by CinnamonPig
Summary: The Vault Dweller asks a ghoul to share her experiences pre-war, but are the memories too much for her to handle? (Note: Ghoul is not labelled as a character, due to the fact they are neither canon or oc) Unsure of rating. Includes; violence, gore, implied child death, and mild swearing.
1. Chapter 1- The Calm Before The Storm

As I sat nervously on the weathered couch, I began to have second thoughts about this whole proposal.  
"P-perhaps this isn't the best idea... You could always ask someone else, couldn't you?" I looked up at the figure hopefully, a weak smile tugged at my wrinkled, rotting lips. The figure shook their head slowly, looking into my yellowed eyes with a sympathetic, yet enthusiastic smile.  
"Please, it's important for people to learn your story". I smiled and let out a croaked, chuckle. I suppose everyone knew what a way with words this Lone Wanderer had, especially when that girl, Moira, was involved.  
"I still don't quite see what my story will add to this 'Wasteland Survival Guide'... I thought Moira published that blasted book a few months ago anyway?" I frowned slightly... Well, whatever skin and muscle I had left twitched slightly as I spoke. But, as ever, the Lone Wanderer was persistent, simply gripping their pencil and paper tight as they let out a grumbled "Please".  
I sighed and scratched nervously at my scalp, a few chunks of skin dropping onto my dress with soft thuds. I had gotten used to the sound, although there wasn't much to feel.

I straightened my back and with a sharp sigh, began to relay my story to the enthusiastic Vault Dweller. The story of how America was forever changed.

"C'mon, Miss, we gotta get to class, hurry"

 _Clarissa... Yes, her name was Clarissa. She was the one tugging my dress before class... I smile to myself at the thought of her rosey cheeks and shaggy hair as she giggled, her hands playfully dragging me to class. I was a teacher at that time... One of around 17 teachers and 82 students... It almost makes you smile, to think how all these people... All of them... You think they're immortal... You think nothing will ever change, that they'll be there forever. Laughing, playing, teaching forever... With... With children coming and going, faces fading and blurring with time... I-... I can't do this, I don't like thinking about it.  
"Please, it's ok... I'm here for you" The Vault Dweller looked up from her paper, almost unfased as to how distressed I was. I let out a soft sigh, closed my eyes and continued.  
"I should never give up so easily"_

"C'mon, c'mon we're gonna be late" _She always smiled at me, giggling as she passed the thresh-hold into the classroom... It made me smile too... You don't really see such happiness these days...  
_ "I'm the teacher, I decide when we're late or not" _I said, smiling down at the giggling girl.  
_ "Are we late, Miss?" _She looked up at me with such big eyes, it was almost as if she were terrifyed I'd say "Yes".  
_ "No, Clarissa" _I chuckled._ "We can't make the teacher late for her own class, now can we?"

 _I watched her as she grinned and ran to her desk, where I followed after, standing at my desk expectantly as my gaze followed each child. A few boys gathered in the corner, tinkering with an old radio... Even old for those times. The sound crackled out almost at a whisper, I could tell they were all straining to hear whatever radio play was being performed... Something about a monkey...  
Other children sat around whispering and gossipping to one another. The atmosphere... It was always so vibrant, so... happy... What's the word I'm looking for... Nostalgic, perhaps? Ah, but I digress..._

"Goodmorning, everyone" _It was almost as if the children had just seen a ghost. They all stood still then, as if finally realising I was there, they ran quickly to their desks, stumbling past chairs and children alike.  
_ "Goodmorning" _They would reply. I smiled and indicated for them to sit as I did the same... If there's one thing ghouls like me, and I'm sure Vault Dwellers like you miss, is the soft, comfotable feeling of an undamaged chair. The support from one of those could straighten out my old, brittle back.  
_ "Goodmorning Students" _The voice of the Principal echoed throughout the corridors and classrooms. I always hated those stupid speaker systems.  
_ "And welcome to another day of school. As your parents may have told you, there are some scary stories coming from overseas, but I assure you all now... That these threats are rumors, you are all very much safe" _Children's murmers rose up gradually, almost deafening even to a young woman like myself at the time. Through the ever-rising sea of noise I remember thinking to myself how stupid that schools were always effected by such pointless things, like mild outbreaks of flu and sickness, spreading fear across the school, yet... Nuclear war and nationwide panic were to be dismissed as rumor... It almost makes you laugh even today._

 _My thought was cut short by a sharp change in volume at the back of the classroom._ "Not that blasted radio again" _I marched to the back of the classroom, children covering their ears from the loud, monotone noise... It wasn't until the pitched changed that I realised the noise wasn't coming from the radio... Oh God... Why didn't I react quicker? The screams... The children, they just screamed and I stood there, watching._

"Calm down, please, you're getting too worked up again" The Vault Dweller's arm was on mine, I noticed quickly that my fingers had dug deep into my flesh in a panic state. I looked up at her. If I were able to cry, I imagine I would have cried until my sunken eyes, slid from their putrid sockets.  
"Sorry... I... I don't quite know what came over me" I looked away, avoiding those hardened eyes. My arms lowered slowly as I tried to calm myself and recollect my thoughts.

My mind was racing, I had so much more to tell. The Dweller had to know of the heart-ache that followed, of the time the bombs fell. They all had to know... They had to...

"Can you give me a minute please?" I murmered. "I need some time to think"

The Vault Dweller nodded and we sat there for a while in silence.


	2. Chapter 2- School's Out

Immediate post for chapter 2, because ideas wont stop flooding! Let me know of any improvements I could make for the next few chapters, as this is my second time posting!

I woke up, groggily, a short while after. 'Damn, my head hurts... Was I crying? No... No, that's not possible...'I tried opening my eyes, finding my eyelids stuck together once again. A common problem with ghouls. Looking around, colours danced, blurred, and faded into the dull gray they had always been... Always...

"Miss? Why are you crying?"

'A voice? A child's voice?' I looked around desperately, my head pounding, joints aching and burning as I forced myself off of the couch. I was not quite able to determine my surroundings, ghouls can be rather short sighted at times.

"Clarissa? Are you there?" I croaked, choking bad whatever tears would have fallen, before taking a step forward towards the noise.

Clack.

A soft sound eachoed from the ground as my numb foot tapped something light... I froze up, and overwhelming sense of dread filling my senses.

"C-... Clarissa?"

I looked down slowly, my frail bones shivered and shook a I forced my gaze down.  
Bones... Small bones... The bones of a child... One boney claw clung desperately to my pristine dress.

I screamed, shrieked, crying out for someone, anyone to come help me. My mind raced. My heart sank. I clutched my head tight. Hair...  
...I had a full head of hair... My skin perfect... I blacked out.

"Shhh, it's ok, I'm here for you"

The soothing voice of the Vault Dweller calmed me as I regained consciousness. Their arms were wrapped around me, holding me close. I felt safe. I looked up at a tall figure standing over us.

"Boss says move" The voice was deep, gruff.

"C'mon, Charon, can't we stay a while longer? The lady's upset" Lady... I haven't been called lady in a while...

"Too bad. Leave" He turned and walked away. He was only doing as he was told... Perhaps that was the worst part about it.

"I guess we better go then" The Vault Dweller said with a weak smile. I looked at them sadly, then stood awkwardly on my stiff joints, almost falling back down.

"Come with me, Smoothskin. We can continue our interview elsewhere in Underworld" I walked away confidently, smiling as I heard light footsteps following after me.

 _I stood there for too long... Listening... The sirens were not enough to drown out the scream of the children... A bomb... A bomb had dropped miles south of here, but... I could see it... We could all see it clear as day. I held up my thumb to the mushroom cloud... No radiation..._

"Miss... Miss it's too loud... Can we turn down the speakers please? It's scaring me."

 _Behind me Clarissa tugged on my skirt, her arms pressed against her ears hard... She was too young... Too innocent... But war knows no age, no innocence.. Only pain and suffering of the enemy. I looked down at her and forced a smile, holding her to me. I crouched down next to her, leaning close to her ear, making sure she could hear me._

"Clarissa, can you do me a big favour and take the class to the classroom at the end of the hallway please? The teacher there will take you to a safe place away from the noise"

 _I forced another smile, watching the girl start getting her friends to push the other children out of the classroom where all other children were bunching together. The children struggled to move, pushing and shoving each other into lockers frantically. I closed my eyes and listened carefully... Nothing but screams and yells... No bombs.  
I turned and ran to my desk, grabbing a small note... No, an invitation. If I hurried, I could still make it to the vault. I looked around the classroom once more before stepping into the hallway._

"Oh.."

 _Words clung to my throat, a lump that couldn't shift. Tears spilled from my face, flooding. I shook violently, my stomach ached and churned, I tried to look away, but couldn't... oh God, why didn't I just look away?  
The children... Children's bodies scattered across the floor... And the blood... The blood... I wanted to throw up, I wanted to run. Already, the panic of war had taken more lives than the war itself. Children smashed into lockers in the blind panic of trying to get to the make-shift bunker under the school... Their faces... Fear, stained with fear and pain... All laying still... How long had I stood there? Too long..._

 _I ran... Almost too fast for my brain to register... I ran and ran, down the corridor, down the stairs, towards the front door and stopped. People, parents smashing on the locked school doors, crying out for their children... Yelling at me to let them in. I couldn't do it... There was no room... No, that's not right... I would have wasted too much time, that's what I thought. The vault ticket in my hand kept me deluded that my life was more important than their's..._

 _I ran... To the back exit and kept running. Less than one mile... 20 minute running and I would have reached the vault. 20 minutes and I would be safe._

I looked up at the Vaut Dweller expectanty, yet guiltily.

"I hadn't truely realised the selfishness of my actions until... Well..." I looked away, feeling whatever bile I had, rising in my torn up throat.

"Would you like to continue this tomorrow?" The Vault Dweller looked back at me, their eyes emotionless. They were not without sin, themself.

"Yes... Yes please, that would be nice... Please, feel free to rest, Smoothskin. Today has been stressful for both of us."

(Next chapter coming tomorrow, stay tuned for the journey to the vault)  
(PS. Please leave feedback, I'd love to know what people think of this, be it bad or good)


	3. Chapter 3-The Race For Safety

I tossed and turned in my sleep that night, haunted by dreams of death, destruction, the fall of mankind. The Vault Dweller stayed by my side, such loyalty is rare these days. I was surprised to see the Vault Dweller still sleeping beside me when I woke. It was almost almost as if she sensed my consciousness, as her eyes fluttered open, blankly looking into mine, as if not seeing me at all. I smiled.

"Have a good night sleep, Smoothskin?" My shrivelled lips tugged to a smile, the skin stretching, cracking and breaking. I tried not to notice. I'm too used to the pain of not having such fresh pale skin as the Lone Wanderer laying next to me.

"Sure, it's..." Their Pip-Boy filled the room with such intense light that I was forced to shield my feeble eyes from it. "Shit, sorry, it's 4am" I sighed and sat up in bed, my back crackling, numbing me. The Vault Dweller followed, stretching. I envied the way smootskings could move so freely, so painlessly, I hated my stiff joints, deteriorating muscles and stench... Dead skin and dried blood, along with a few failing organs don't much add to the aroma of a 225 year old ghouless.

"Hmpf... Still early..." I sighed and looked up at the surprisingly vibrant one nest to me. "Should we continue with writing?"

The Wanderer smiled and nodded. "Only if you feel up to it" She reached over lazily swiping at her pencil and paper, their eyes hid more weariness than their face would allow, that much was obvious.

 _I ran, my heart pounding, drowning out the faint patter of my feet as I rushed through the grass. The children, Clarissa... They were left in that poorly crafted, cheap shaelter under the school. I should have gone back for her, I should have carried her, cradled her in my arms and demanded she be let into the vault... But, I didn't... I would love to say that I ran back to the school, prised open the doors to the basement shelter and dragged her from her concrete tomb, I would love to say I was brave, strong, but no... I was fearful, I was weak, I was selfish, I left her... I left all of them to their fate._

 _My breathing grew harsh, grating at my throat, I coughed as I ran, choking on my freedom, cursing at my legs, trying to force them to go faster as they slowed. The wind stung my eyes, tore away at my nostrils as I struggled to drag every breath I could from the world. I wanted to be safe, I wanted to live. Grass and dirt beat at my feet as I kicked and fought each weak step towards the vault. 10 minutes had passed since I abandoned my class and my coworkers, no; my friends. My vision blurred as I stumbled forward, pressing on though my feet ached, my heart pounded to the point of breaking and exploding, my head... Oh God, my head hurt._

"Lady, wait!" _A man behind me, I heard his yells, his footsteps, he was running after me catching up to me. I tried stumbling away faster, falling to the ground instead, my knees scraped painfully against the dirt and stone, my face hit the ground hard, partially grazing it. Not that you could tell at this moment._

"Shit, come on, get up" _He tugged at my arms, pulling me up, over his shoulder and he ran. I felt every jolt, every step, saw every grain of dirt he passed. I hadn't the strength to ask where we were going, I was too tired to scream. In all the panic, I doubt anyone would have heard... It is to be expected upon the nuclear apocalypse._

"He-... Who... Who are you?" _I gasped and breathed heavily, each breath frying my mouth. I felt nauseous, dizzy._ "Where... are we..." _I choked and spluttered violently, his steps slowed as he dropped me to the ground._

"You have a vault letter, right? You can get in, us both in" _His eyes were desperate, yet hostile. I was frightened of him and pitied him._

 _I nodded, shivering from exhaustion as I looked up at him, partly fearing for my life as I forced myself to stand, leaning against him. He wasn't strong or weak, but he could support my weight well enough for us to walk. We were further from the vault than I had hoped._

 _Another loud crash resonated from the surrounding buildings as we stood in a small field._

 _We ran. We ran as fast as we could. The bombs were closer now. Closing in._

"Hurry, for the love of God, hurry!" _He yelled back to me, another survivor, hoping to live another day. I followed as his support left me._

 _My vision blurred as coloured mixed to one bright cloud, his figure barely distinguishable from the bright light of a new blast._

 _Another bomb had dropped._

 _Closer._

 _How could I have been so stupid, to think I would have made it? I was too late, we were too late. The bombs had surrounded DC. Rubble fell and crashed as building crumbled, succumbed to the conflict mankind had created._

 _(Next chapter tomorrow. Thank you for reading)_


	4. Chapter 4- Faith and Persistence

(Sorry for not posting sooner, writers block and a new job are a terrible mix. Also, thanks to Dannemund for the review.)

 _Was it the dust or the blow to my head that blinded me? I no longer remember. However, I do remember the taste of copper on my lips. Blood. Was I bleeding?_

 _I rubbed my eyes forcefully, trying to scrape away the smoke that clouded my vision. I grunted and whined as panic set in. I needed to see, I needed to know what had happened._

 _My head ached as I pushed against the ground, trying to stand up. I fell over backwards, hitting my head against what I thought to be a sharp pile of rock and metal. Which way was up? Why was this happening? Where was the man that carried me here?_

 _I clenched my teeth hard, trying with all my strength to push myself up. My muscles ached, my head ached, my nose burned with the stench of burnt metal and rubble. Where was the fire? There had to be a fire. I fought and cried out, my throat hoarse, letting out soft croaks and gasps as my words were jammed back into me._

 _I cried, I wept, I tried to scream._

 _I was angry, I was frightened, I just wanted to survive._

 _I remember being so thankful, so relieved as my healing tears washed over my eyes and dirt-stained face. My vision began to clear, light tore through my eyes, it hurt but I was grateful for it. I laughed, loudly, as I realised I could see. I had been given my sight. I knew someone, somewhere, had blessed me with my sight._

I leaned toward the Vault Dweller and whispered, "We were always so dependant on religion back then, as we are today. It was the best way for us to grow accustomed to our mortality, the working of our daily live, among many other things" I looked away for a second, worried I had offended or confused the young person ahead of me.

The Vault Dweller smiled, "I understand. Religion is, after all, important for so many." I smiled back and continued.

 _I looked up at the grey sky. How close had the bomb fallen? I looked down, craning my neck painfully as I struggled to make out each crack and spike of the dark grey rubble surrounding me._

 _I was an educated woman, but educated guesses can only take you so far. The bomb must have fallen a few miles away. Judging by the distant the building had been thrown and scattered, I was in a light area of radiation._

 _Shit._

 _Tumors were the least of my worries. It was the pool of blood, trickling down my back, soaking into my tattered clothes that concerned me immensely._

 _I grunted and huffed as I pressed my arms behind me, my body shook as my muscles strained to prise my body free of the dull, jagged ground. My eyes drifted back to the sky. It was almost sunset._

 _My body was thrust forward as adrenaline found me once again. I was tired, hungry, my mouth dry to the point of retching but I had to press on. I couldn't risk losing sunlight._

 _I clutched my head with one hand, my vision fuzzy, my ears ringing. I closed my eyes and breathed calmly, the smell of burning, blood, and dirt wafted to my nostrils. My eyes watered as I opened them, my mindwas racing._

 _I had to run. I had to stop the bleeding. I had to put out the fire. I had to find the man who carried me._

 _Regardless of his motives, he had still carried me away toward the vaults. I owed him that much... The vaults! I had to get to the vault._

 _I stumbled over pipes of dulled metal, boulders of building rubble, pressing towards whatever direction I could manage. A bomb fell in the dstance._

 _A second wave? Perhaps a third? I must have been out for a few minutes, maybe an hour. I wasn't sure. I was sure of my need to escape. My feet kicked against stone, tripping and running. Never ceasing to run. I had to..._

 _I stopped as I saw a hand, no, an arm, pinned under a rock... Pinned in a pool of blood. Panic took over, I was delirious. I thought of saving them. I had to try, but I was tired and confused, traumatised. I crouched down and gripped the cold, stiff hand tightly, I pulled, landing flat on my rear as the arms slid out from undeer the rubble, sleeve attached._

 _It took a moment for my mind to register, but when it finally clicked; I screamed._

 _I shook, my hands refusing to release the arm. My mind was falling apart. I was a complete wreck. Tears soaked my face, my knuckles white, I thought I would go insane, then it all stopped._

 _I remember the caring, the fear, the panic all fading away. I was going into shock. But... I didn't mind. My thoughts, my head were finally clear. I looked down at the arm blankly before slipping the sleeve from the dead arm, wrapping it tight around my head. At least I wouldn't bleed to death. I dropped the severed limb on the ground._

 _Silence._

 _Then, I walked._

 _Towards the vault. I could see the vault. I could see people, a large crowd gathered there._

 _Maybe I wasn't too late._

 _Then, all at once, there were screams._

 _(End of Chapter 4, another chapter should be written tomorrow... Hopefully. Thank you for reading)_


	5. Chapter 5- Nuclear Flesh Fires

I looked up at the Vault Dweller, eyes wide. They had stopped writing, instead leaning towards me, hanging on my every word. I smiled nervously, my shrivelled lips twitching.  
"Please" They said "Continue" Their eyes were full of interest, yet cold. The Wanderer was not cruel, but nor were they soft and gentle. The harshness of the wastes had taken their toll. While not void of emotion, the Lone Wanderer was tired and changed, as if trying not to care anymore.  
Perhaps the smoothskin saw something relatable in me... More than 200 years of bloodshed has its effects.

"Of course, smoothskin" I croak, and lean back in my chair, my spine crackling softly at the movement.

 _I stopped running, frozen still as the screams filled my senses, drowning out my thoughts. Each scream hit me like a wave, a sea of despair, resonating from outside the vault.  
I stepped closer, cautiously, the vault in full view. Panic filled the atmosphere._

 _"Help us, let us in please"_

 _"We don't want to die, please don't let my children die"_

 _"Let us in, let us in right the fuck now!"_

 _"Fucking cowards, there's plenty of room in there"_

 _Worry turned into fear; fear turned into jealously; jealousy turned into anger. It made me wonder where the true war was taking place._

 _As I nearned the large, open hole in the wall- I noticed a young man, surrounded by taller men armed with guns and light riot armour. Damn. I strained my ears to hear him, his pleas barely audible above the loud hum of the distraught men, women, and children around them. I tried desperately to push my way through, my back scraping against the wall. Hardly anyone seemed to notice the pale, injured woman slipping past them. That was until I reached the young man in the threshold of the vault._

 _He claimed to be the "Overseer", whatever that meant. He was feebly asking for Vault accpetance letters, mine still clutched tight in my fist, worried one of these poor fools might have tried to take it from me. I took a deep breath and tried to slip through the rioting crowd, winding through each gap and crevasse, as the people shifted and jumped._

 _As I stepped to the front and peered inside, I saw the cold, grey lead of the walls, dull grating for the floor and dim lights barely covering the vault interior. I crinkled my nose at the sight. Is this was survival meant for us? Was this the price of survival? A small tin can full of strangers, frightened and alone in their own way?_

 _I shuddered and looked up at the overseer, my feet barely touching the entrance to the vault. Feebly, I held up my letter to him. He smiled weakly and looked at my letter before nodding to the guards. They shifted, leaving enough room to let me pass. Breathing a sigh of relief, I took a step into the vault._

 _I recoiled instantly as I heard the loud siren blaring throughout the vault. I covered my ears, looking up at the man desperately. His face pale, eyes wide as the large, weighted door of the vault began to roll out, separating us. His arm outstretched to me, he finally vanished from view, the door knocking me to the ground as it slid towards me._

 _The vault was sealed. Their 200 years of seclusion commenced._

 _I looked around me, women clung tightly to their children, some stood in shock; unable to come to terms with what had just happened. A few men charged the door, slamming their bodies, their fists, their word at it. Praying it would shudder or shift even slightly._

 _The powerful door stood still._

 _I cried out, my voice barely audible as I looked around me, laying on my back, craning my neck to see those around me. Their faces were stained with fear, regret, anger, and an overhwelming sense of sadness which hung in the air. There was no escaping our fate. We were lucky enough to have survived as far as we did. I was grateful for that much._

 _I pushed myself up, standing small in the crowd of survivors. I looked up as I blinding light hit close by. Too close. I couldn't make out the mushroom cloud that would have formed. I couldn't make out anything._

 _I covered my eyes._

 _I gritted my teeth._

 _I turned away from the blinding light._

 _And as the explosion rung in my ears..._

 _... I cried._

I looked up at the Vault Dweller, who looked back with a look of guilt on her face. I looked back down. I slowed my breathing, not realising how lightheaded I had made myself in the process of telling my story.

"Sorry, I'll let you finished" The Wanderer finally said after moments of awkward silence and contemplation. I nodded, somewhat angered at their insistance that I tell them everything. I didn't care much for that. I didn't care much for bringing up all these repressed memories.

Then again, I did accpet their offer. I promised them a story. I promised information. The world needed to know how cruel it was.

 _It was over quickly._ I continued without a hint of hesitation. _It didn't take long for the radiation to claim their lives. It took seconds. Screams faded instantly, the bangs and thrashes at the door stopped. Whether it was before or after the blast hit us, I'll never know. What I do know, is that I was anything but grateful for what I had to bear witness._

 _The clouds of radiation, toxic, hung in the air. My skin burned and bubbled at the heat, tumors growing and popping on my skin. My irradiated blood stung like venom as it was pumped over my body. Tears bled from my eyes as I tried to cope with the pain, no, the agony of life. My new life. I blinked hard. At least I had my vision. I looked around me shakily._

 _Shadows._

 _The people were gone._

 _But there were so many... So many shadows._

 _They littered the ground. Ashes of the people who had once stood, fearful and idiotic._

 _Their memories, their families, their love, emotion, caring, compassion, all gone in one flash of radioactive light._

 _I never knew their names... None of the people I had met. But what did that matter now? Ash can't help you._

 _Shadows hugged shadows, shadows clung to walls, floor, everywhere. They were nothing more than the aftermath of radioactive filth. I stepped over each, my legs weak under me. I suppressed the pain as best I could. I had no choice but to survive._

 _One name clung to my mind. Throughout panic, pain, guilt. One name cried out to me. The one name that needed protecting. I needed to see if they were alright. I would never forgive myself if I didn't._

 _Clarissa..._

(Thank you for reading. Sorry for the length of this chapter. I tried to fit too much in. Next chapter will be in soon)


	6. Chapter 6- Power Through It

( **A quick thank you to everyone currently reading this series adn to those who have reviewed it :3)**

I _ran._

 _I ran as fast as my scorched, blistered legs could carry me. I cired out in pain each time a radioactive blister grew and popped under my feet._

 _"Shit..." I growled, running, aching, burning._

 _Why was I still alive? Did I need more time for redemption? I had been so selfish, so arrogant today. It had to be karma coming back to haunt me._

 _I ran my hand through my hair, swiping sweat and bloodied flash from my scalp. I looked at my hand and cried out desperately, my voice gravelly._

 _I thought I would pass out._

 _My hair pulling out into chunks, bits of pale flesh clinging to the roots. I held back whatever bile was rising up in my throat. I felt beyond sick, beyond disgusted. I had no idea at the time what I had become, what monster of the wastes I would be._

 _I threw the hair clumps to the ground, taking in breath after raspy breath. My throat stung, my legs ached, as shockwaves of pain shot up each leg with every step I took. I breathed quickly and heavily._

 _Why is living such agony?_

 _I stared ahead into the orange-hazed horizon. My eyes ached at the bright light. Bombs fell softly in the dstance, much further away now. I assume the bombers must have been flying whatever planes were hidden behind the cloud, along D.C._

 _I strained my feeble eyes up to the sky, trying to make out any distinct light source. I looked down briefly to see the shadow of an arm, laying on a pile of part-corroded rubble. I left out a soft sigh, almost smiling as I saw it, yet I have no idea why. I gently patted my head, feeling for the sleeve I had wrapped around my bleeding head earlier. It was torn badly and almost falling off._

 _I stood still, my shaking limbs making movement difficult. I gathered whatever strength I had left, adrenaline running at impossibly low levels, and raised my arms. My fingers barely managed to grasp the edge of the fabric, before weakly peeling it off. It instantly fell to the ground, my muscles deteriorating as the radiation coursed through me. The fabric was bloodied and coated in a thin layer of flesh and mucus._

 _I quickly looked away, my bones crackling in my neck, almost numbing me. It fell down to the rubble and sat there, my gaze turned to the school. I had to go back, but I was so tired. I needed my rest more._

 _Selfishness has always plagued me._

 _I sat on the rough rubble of the fallen building, the sudden pressure biting into my soft, broken skin._

 _I grunted softly and relaxed, almost laying against the stone, which was partly warmed by the atomic blast and setting sun. Rest._

 _My eyes snapped open, welcomed by blackness. I had fallen asleep, god knows how many hours ago. It was long past sunset. The moon shone high above me. It was late, and it was cold._

 _Yawns stuck to my dry throat. I needed to find the school, but more importantly, I needed to find water._

 _I looked around, my body motionless against the harsh stone and sighed. I had to move, before I joined the shadows painted to the ground. Life, reduced to atoms, to dust._

 _I shuddered and pressed my hand against the stone, the muscle shook violently as I was lifted. My arm failed. The muscle, weak, dropped me back on my side. Pain shot through me._

 _"_ _Damn it..." I was too tired, too angry for this. I pressed both hands against the stone, lifting myself again, sitting upright, shivering. I wanted to run already, I wanted to sprint to the school and carry the children out in my arms._

 _Here I sat, feeling every ounce of fluid shift and settle in my head. I breathed in and out, slowly, eyes fixed in the direction of the school. I pressed my feet firmly against the floor._

 _Pop fater sickening pop stung my feet. Blisters burst between the ground and soles of my feet. It burned and stung, and I wished I could just lay there and rest, but I needed to survive. If not for my sake, but for the sake of the school._

 _I stepped slowly, edging closer to the school. I was far away from it, but no more than a 15 minute walk. It hurt so badly, so unbearably, but such was the price of living._

 _I stumbled over dirt, brown grass, and finally the school._

 _No..._

 _Dear god no..._

I clutched my head, looking down. A hand reached out, resting slightly on my rotten shoulder. My eyes wandered up to meet theirs, slowly. The Vault Dweller seemed almost saddened... Worried, even.

 _So... It feels_ I thought, a hint of malice radiated upon my broken and scarred face. I looked away agin, shrugging their hand off of my shoulder. I grunted softly and sighed. I had to finish the story, especially if I could make them care.

 _I looked up at the dilapidated pile of ruins that used to be the school. I instantly fell to my knees, the sudden pain caused me to gasp inaudibly. Tears stung like acid as they rolled down my cheeks._

 _"_ _No... Please, God, no!" I shrieked. The bunker was underground, but there was little chance of me being able to reach it. I stared at the crumbled remains, my eyes refusing to look away. If I could move my eye lids as feely as I would have liked, I would have shut them and imagined the school still stood proud._

 _The red brick, white outlines windows, small elegant classrooms, and the long bright hallways. But now they were gone, and no doubt the others were either dead, trapped, or reduced to the dust they came from._

 _I couldn't think of them in the same way as the strangers back at the Vault entrance. I wanted them to still be humans, to still have some memory of who they once were, not empty, dark shadows._

 _It was stupid, I was stupid, but I was also stubborn. I refused to let my thoughts die so quickly. If I had been granted life for a reason, I knew that reason lived within the depths of that school. I stood, gritting my teeth as they shook slightly in thinned gums. They were in there, someone had to be alive._

 _It was futile, but I had to try._

 **(There may not be another chapter for about a week, since I'm going on holiday, sorry!)**


	7. Chapter 7-Back To School

**(Welcome back to the series, sorry for the long wait. BACK TO THE STORY! :3)**

I looked up at the Vault Dweller briefly, their eyes locked with mine. I looked away and tried to hide a smile. Finally, something had gained their attention, gained their emotion, and I was the one to do so. Even during a pointless mission for Moira, the Vault Dweller was listening and interested in my thoughts and experiences, not just in completing the task. I leaned back slightly, my back cracking and crunching as I breathed deeply and continued.

 _I stumbled up the hill, which led to the school. As I neared the building, I thought of which possibility scared me most; that everyone was dead, or that everyone had survived._

 _I breathed quickly and deeply, my throat scratching and tearing with each raspy breath. I choked and coughed at each dribble of blood that slid down my throat. The air stung like acid, irradiated and hot acid. Is it possible that I was being cooked alive by the heat? How had the blast itself not killed me?_

 _My head hung heavy with these thoughts, circulating and spinning with each step towards the school. At this point, I didn't want to know the answers, what mattered was I was alive and people needed to be helped. My selfishness got me into this bullshit mess; selflessness would surely get me out._

 _I gasped for air, coughing and spluttering as clouds of blood sprayed softly from my mouth. "Fuck..." I croaked, groaning at the pain, as the taste of copper hit my tongue. I shuddered and stopped for a while to catch my breath. I was surprised to find my muscles weren't wasting as quickly as i thought; if anything, they were improving._

 _I looked over my body through the haze of radiation and smiled, I wasn't as hopeless as i had thought._

 _I looked up at the school through a thick mist of orange which seemed to have intensified and grunted. The bomb must've hit close to the school. Even if the radiation hadn't killed them, it would be surprising if the blast had left them free of harm._

 _I cautiously pressed a foot onto the rubble; my legs shook nervously as I laid step after step over rock and metal beam. A rickety clump of metal shook a little too violently under my foot, I lost my footing and fell onto the rubble, a sharp pain struck my chest._

 _"F-fucking... Nngh" I grunted at the pain, no cracks or breaks, but I'd surely have a nasty bruise._

 _Creak. Fuck._

 _The pressure of my body on the thin layer of charred wood and cracked stone had caused it to break. Before I could react, my face met with the cool, hard ground a few feet beneath._

 _Lucky me, to hit one of few parts of hollow ground atop the school ruins. I lay there for a while; my face pressed hard against the cold, cracked stone of what I thought was the hallway. I reached out a hand and pushed, lifting my body off of an arm which had been trapped under my weight at the fall. Unfortunately for me, although one arm was fine, the other had broken under my weight._

 _"Fuck everything" I growled under my breath at no one in particular. I held my arm to my chest, the bone crunching and grinding at the sensation. There were no breaks in the skin, but the bone had definitely broken and fractured._

 _What goes up must come down, and it came down hard._

 _I looked around, pressing my back hard against the wall as I tried to make out my surroundings, through the faint glimmer of light which fell from the hole above me. I could try finding torches in the science labs, but that meant travelling across the school. I may never make it._

 _I leaned my head back against the wall, thinking every detail through._

 _I needed a torch- first priority. My stomach grumbled, reminding me food should be priority three, water for my aching throat coming in second. Not to mention the tattered rags I called a dress, priority four._

 _Science labs, Cafeteria, Lost and found closet. Now all I had to do was hope that I could find everything before... The bunker. Priority five._

 _It was no use trying to save others when I could collapse before that happened._

 _Just one more act of selfishness and my selflessness would pay off. Besides, i could always bring additional food, drink, and clothes to the survivors... If there were any._

 _Even in an apocalypse I still managed to be the most selfish bitch imaginable. I rubbed my eyes harshly as the anxiety grew and bubbled within me, my vision blurred and my panic grew. My legs shook, needing to run, to get out of here, I needed to get out. My heart beat fast, my chest tightened, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted this all to end._

 _I glanced into the dark abyss of the hallways and pulled away from the wall, my hand gently resting against it, causing my broken arm to slip._

 _I cried out at the sudden sharp pain. Tears streamed down my face as I gritted my teeth. I had no other option, I had to do something about my arm. I looked down at my already tattered clothes and sighed, using my good arm to swiftly pull my dress from my rotting body._

 _I tried not to look at my naked self, now completely unfamiliar to me. I did not want to remember myself in such a distorted way. I tied the dress loosely around my neck, slipping my broken arm into the makeshift sling._

 _Priority six, finding the nurse's office. Pain-killers and proper bandages and a clean sling were more than necessary, but that could wait until after the children and teachers had food and drink. After I knew for certain that they were alive and well._

 _I leaned forward again, using the faint light of the outside world to guide my hand to the wall. I stepped to the side, each tap echoed from the walls as my foot struck the floor. My hand slid along the wall, smooth and cool. The heat of the blast had not yet managed to reach this far down, from what I could tell, perhaps the radiation hadn't either._

 _Step, step, slide... step, step, slide... I groaned at the process. Movement was boring agony and I forced myself to. Stumbling forward slightly as my hand hit an open doorway._

 _Warily, I stepped inside. My hand held out in front of me, my ears pricked up to hear any noise within any distance._

 _A hiss. A snake? Gas!_

 _I held my breath. The blast must've avoided this far down. Gas flowed from broken pipes on the walls. I had to be in the right classroom._

 _I stepped slowly, my hand outstretched. My leg met the sharp leg of a table._

 _"Sonofa..." I hissed through gritted teeth._

 _A tap and a roll. I'd knocked the torches from the desk. I felt around, feeling two more laying on the desk. The teacher must've assumed the lights would be shut off and told the children to take a torch each. Three remained._

 _I quickly grabbed the torch and turned, my heart beating fast as the gas hissing urged me out of the room, into the hallway. I slid my hand along the wall and breathed slowly._

 _Then, I turned on the torch._

(Next time, our ghoulette travels to the depths of the school. Apologies again for the wait, vacation is vital. Please leave a review, reviews are greatly appreciated :3)


	8. Chapter 8- Along the Highway to Anywhere

**(Thank you for the continued support. Again, posts may become less frequent since college starting; I hope I can still keep up to date with this series though)**

 **(WARNING: Chapter contains further references to child death, heavy gore, and isolation)**

 _The faint glow of the torch illuminated the hallway. I breathed softly as I pointed the torch sharply from one side of the hallway to the other. The heavy stream of dull light flew from side to side, allowing me to see some of the hall close to me._

 _I sighed and grunted slightly, the pain in my arm distracting me from the task at hand. My broken, shattered bones ground and pinched at the skin of my arm, causing my eyes to water, sobs choked up in my throat._

 _Living was agony, living is agony, and living will always be agony. This is the price we must pay for the curse of eternal life._

 _I turned the corner at the end of a surprisingly empty hallway. Rubble blocked my path._

 _"Shit fucking shit"_

 _I wanted to break down and cry again. I wanted everything to go away, the worry, the loneliness, but mostly the pain._

 _Some unknown force urged my feet to keep moving. Fear? Pride? I had no idea where I was going or why, but I had to keep moving to whatever awaited me._

 _The elevator access for the school... It was a new system, brought in to cease parental complaints that the school wasn't supportive of children with disabilities. The machine was flawed in design, a cheap model the idiot Principal acquired to avoid negative media attention. It would have to do for now._

 _The dim glow of the flashlight flickered over to the elevator door... It was part opened. The reflection of the dull metal doors blinded me, preventing me from seeing inside easily._

 _I pressed a button._

 _Nothing._

 _Idiot. What did I expect to happen? The elevator was already open on this floor._

 _I groaned and using my torch wielding arm, slid the doors open almost effortlessly._

 _I stepped inside, my flashlight crawled along the dull steel floor. Over the fallen ceiling hatch... Over the puddle of crimson... Over the body..._

 _God no, not another... Not again..._

 _The teachers had tried to escape through the elevator. It must have still been in movement when they jumped onto it, through the shaft. One body had crashed through, breaking the emergency hatch. No trace of whoever was in the elevator, in anyone had even gotten in._

 _I'm an educated woman, but I'm no Sherlock Holmes._

 _I stepped inside, over the crumpled body, head cracked and spilled over the floor. I slipped slightly over the gore as I made my way inside the elevator, which creaked softly in response._

 _My finger hovered over the elevator button to the first floor and prayed that the backup generators were still functional._

 _Ding._

 _The doors remained open, wedged by the broken leg of the poor soul who fell through. I pointed the orange glow to the gap in between the elevator doors, needing to know if the elevator would stop and if the area was clear of debris._

 _Ding._

 _The doors rumbled but stayed part closed. I was again forced to prise the doors apart with my good arm._

 _I passed the threshold that separated me from the floor I needed to complete my tasks and shone my flickering torch into the dark abyss ahead of me._

 _The ceiling creaked softly with the weight of the ruins above, but it wasn't enough for the ceiling to collapse and crush me._

"Would I be here if it did?" I chuckle softly. The Vault Dweller sighed and let out a faint smile. That was pretty terrible.

 _I ran the deep orange light down the corridor as far as it could go. Left turn; cafeteria, food and water._

 _Chairs and tables were overthrown; food trays lay across the floor, whatever food paste had been in them had followed. I glanced briefly at the doorway, which led out of the cafeteria, children's bodies lay there, crushed in the rush to get to safety._

 _I shuddered and dry heaved, my hand pressed hard on my knee. My stomach was empty, but I had lost my appetite. To hell with it, I needed water._

 _I trod carefully over trays and shattered cup, slipping and stumbling over spilled food and water. The paste clung to the floor, my shoes pulled off easily by the sticky substance._

 _I groaned and kept walking, eventually reaching the grimy tap, I let the water flow and held my mouth open under, needing the beautiful liquid._

 _My tongue was met with radioactive sludge._

 _I pulled away from the tap, almost in tears. I spat violently onto the floor, feeling the radiation bubble against my tongue. It was unpleasant, but painless._

 _I looked to the fridge. I needed it. I almost tore the door off of its hinges, grabbing for a bottle of Nuka Cola and smashing the top against the counter. I poured the sweet, tingly drink into my mouth, careful not to cut my cracked lips on the sharp glass._

 _I gulped down every last drop, savouring each bubble as it hit my tongue. I smiled and put down the bottle, my throat burned slightly from the sensation and my broken arm ached. Has the food and drink been irradiated already?_

 _I fell to the floor screaming in pain as I felt my bones snap and stitch back together. The radiation was healing my arm, soaking into the cuts in my throat. If the radiation healed me, why couldn't it fix the mutations on my skin?_

 _After a while, the pain subsided and I stood shakily; flexing my healed arm._

 _Then it hit me._

 _If the Nuka Cola had managed to soak up the radiation, surely the children in the bunker weren't safe from it._

 _I ran to the door, leading out of the cafeteria, tripping over a body, my face met with the cold floor once again._

 _I looked up and groaned, my flashlight smashed upon impact. My eyes met with the dead, white orbs of a child. They're face was mutated beyond recognition, tumours and blisters plagued the poor child's face. If the fight to get out of the cafeteria didn't kill them, the radiation surely did._

 _I couldn't move._

 _I couldn't scream._

 _I couldn't think._

 _I curled up into a ball and wept into my arms._

 **(Apologies for the content, jetlag hit hard today. Apologies also for the disturbing content)**


	9. Chapter 9- To The Bunker

**(WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GORE, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION, FURTHER IMPLIED CHILD DEATH, AND REVELATIONS DEEPER THAN THE TITANIC** (Too soon?) **)**

"Even though I can't close my eyes to imagine... I still see their faces" I began, looking upon the Lone Wanderer with pale, almost pupil-less eyes. Their eyes were hardened, much like everything about them. However, as our eyes met, theirs felt softened.

The poor Wanderer has seen more than their fair share of bloodshed and loss, I pity them for that.

"I understand" a deep, yet soft voice emanated from the figure, who lowered their notes. Their pen landed with a soft tap on the table.

I looked away.

"Would you like to go back to the Ninth Circle? It would be a good excuse to stretch these old legs." I croaked with a smile. The figure stood slowly, stretching their arms high above their head with a sigh.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt" They smiled back, helping me to my feet. My knees crackled under my weight, but I didn't mind. It just served as another reminder that I was still alive and probably would be for many decades, perhaps centuries.

I led the Lone Wanderer out of the room, towards the hallway.

"Do you mind if I keep talking as we walk? Awkward silences aren't my speciality" I forced a chuckle.

The Lone Wanderer nodded.

 _My eyes stung as I wept, each tear burned with a passion. Radiation polluted my very being; it would be months before I finally grew accustomed to it... If I even lasted that long._

 _My bony knees pressed tight to my breasts as I lay there, shivering. I needed clothes. Food wasn't helping and I doubted food could warm me like a nice warm sweater could. What if it was itchy? What if my radioactive skin flakes got caught in the fibres?_

 _I didn't care. Such problems were beyond me._

 _But I couldn't move._

 _I was afraid; depressed and afraid. The people I had spent the better part of my life around had hidden in the bowels of a school that had been crushed under the might of man._

 _A war of pride will leave behind only the remnants of those taught to be loyal to a corrupt nation._

 _I was one of few remnants._

 _I was beyond broken, I would go insane._

 _One name carved into my very being... Clarissa._

 _My eyes flashed open, met by the darkness beyond. I could make out some silhouettes in this abysmal hall. I felt around, my fingers met with the shattered glass of my now useless torch._

 _So much for priority number one. I groaned feebly, rolling onto my stomach, my bare skin twitched at the sensation of the cold floor. Clothes... Warmth... I needed it desperately._

 _I pushed onto the lightly cut palms of my hands, forcing my calloused, tumour-ridden body onto its feet. I stumbled for a second, feeling a bit light headed. I gripped the door frame to the cafeteria tight, trying not to fall back down and stepped slowly, cautiously, out into the hallway._

 _My feet pressed on the cool floor with a soft pat._

 _Pat.. pat... pat... pat._

 _The Nurse's office was no longer necessary. I stretched out my now healed arm proudly and flipped off the office, for no reason that I can recall. I suppose I just wanted to find humour in such dark times, I have no idea._

We stepped into the Ninth Circle, met with a friendly grunt from Charon and a brief look from Azrukhal. It felt good to be back there again.

I sat the Lone Wanderer at a table near Charon. I always felt sorry for the poor- mind washed bastard.

Azrukhal brought us a Nuka each, charging 200 caps. Apparently delivery cost extra.

I sat back slightly in my chair, my spine shifting against the hardwood as I made sure I was in hearing distance of Charon. Perhaps this conversation would stir up some old memories.

"Shall I continue?" I looked up at the Lone Wanderer, absent-mindedly drawing shapes into the condensation of the bottle in front of me with my finger.  
They nodded, taking a swig from their bottle.

 _The lost and found wasn't too far from the offices; it didn't take too long to find a dirty sweatshirt and pants left as spares for gym teachers. They fit pretty well, all things considered. My pale skin felt warm against the new clothing and I was grateful for it._

 _Contented, I set off back down the dimly lit hallway. Emergency lighting hung red on the walls, not quite reaching the floor. I breathed deeply, wincing as my feet hit mysterious bumps and lumps on the ground. I was glad to have found shoes in that closet. God knows what would have clung to my feet in these hallways. I dreaded to imagine._

 _At the corner of the long, winding hallway; a set of double doors lay in front of a stairwell. Whether the blast or teachers had pulled them from their hinges, I would never know._

 _I peered down the steps ahead, shuddering. Pitch black._

 _I was crazy, but I wasn't suicidal. Not this close to the objective... To my objective._

 _I gently lowered myself to the floor, my arse met the floor with a soft thump. I was ready to descend to whatever lay ahead._

 _Each thud onto each step, brought me closer and closer to whatever result I feared._

 _Dead or alive?_

 _Thud... Thud... Thud..._

 _Were they all dead or alive?_

 _Thud... Thud... Thud..._

 _Or worse?_

 _Thudthudthudthudthudthudthud..._

 _My mind slipped and I was sent sliding down the stairs on my arse._

 _Shit shit shit, ow ow ow._

 _Each thud sent shockwaves of pain through my sensitive skin. It felt like an eternity before I reached the bottom, I stood instantly- my hand clutching my aching rear._

 _Tears stung my eyes. If this didn't leave a bruise, I would be surprised. I leant against the wall, my breathing hitched. It hurt like hell, it stung, it was probably bleeding._

 _But I had to carry on moving. Each second I stood in self pity, was a second I spent without knowing, and the pain of not knowing was worse in comparison._

 _Tap... Tap... Tap..._

 _A long winding hallway, the pathway I had to follow. The bunker was only a few minutes into the basement. Stockrooms and storage lined the halls, each door with a more violent warning than the last;_

 _HIGH VOLTAGE, CORROSIVE SUBSTANCES, RADIOACTIVE..._

 _I paused upon the last one, noticing that several barrels lined the walls, visible through a small glass panel upon the door. A trademark VaultTech™ logo was plastered on each barrel and the door. This looked new. I frowned at the small green light above the barrels, which had also lit another sign;_

 _"Complete"_

 _What on earth was going on here?_

 _I followed the pipes attached to each barrel as they clung to the wall, escaping through a hole in the side. I looked down the darkened hallway, vaguely able to notice the bunker that lay a few metres away._

 _I drew my attention back to the task at hand, walking ever closer to the underground bomb shelter ahead._

 _I stood about 7 feet away when I felt the palms of my hands begin to tingle. I brought my hands close to my face, seeing they were healed and free of cuts._

 _It couldn't be._

I was brought back to reality by a faint click in my hands. I looked down to see I was squeezing my Nuka Cola bottle hard, a thin crack running down the side. I had done so with such intensity that made even Charon blink.

I looked up at the Lone Wanderer, their face contorted into concern. I cleared my throat nervously before gulping down half of the fizzy beverage.

"Sorry... I always get anxious about that part" I looked away nervously.

"We could always skip-"

"No" I interrupted sharply, surprised at my sudden assertive and defensive tone. "I mean... please... it's important that you are made aware of this."

The Lone Wanderer nodded silently and leaned back in their chair uncomfortably.

 _I couldn't hold back, I ran._

 _I made it two feet before being met with two milky white eyes and a loud hiss._

 _My cry for help got caught in my throat as I threw myself backwards, landing on the floor before the beast. I looked up at its disgusting, pink figure. Its body plump, teeth sparse, it glared down at me as it crouched._

 _I let out a soft whimper as it tilted its head. My breathing grew rapid. What the hell was this thing? Where did it come from? Why was its mouth caked with blood?_

 _Did the blood belong to this atrocity?_

 _It let out a grunt and stood up, walking away. I looked up at it and shakily, stood back up. I was terrified, my mind racing. One thought crossed my mind._

 _The Bunker._

 _I sprinted to find an open door, a VaultTech™ logo pasted on the heavy lead door. My heart sank and I pulled back._

 _Then, I ran._

 _Bodies; torn up. Faces; shredded beyond recognition. Floor; stained with blood. Radiation; pumped in at toxic levels. Tears blurred my vision as I ran._

 _Past the cannibalistic, mutated, abomination._

 _Past the Vault Tech issue Radiation Store Room._

 _Past the storeroom doors._

 _Past the idiocy of ever daring to think that war time atrocities would ever leave the comfort of finding survivors, of finding friends... Of finding children, new to the world, so much to explore, so much to experience, friends to make, places to visit, lives to live._

 _It was all torn up in a battle of power, where the winner faced the guilt of mass genocide, and the loser had to choose to live with the guilt of betraying their people, or join them in the ash and blood._

 _I was lost in an alien world._

 _No objective, no purpose, no support; but, my God, was I gonna make the most of it.  
Believe me, through the heartache, the loss, and the atrocity; I had barely scratched the surface of what was yet to come._

 **(Thank you for reading. Sorry for the morbid content again. Please leave comments and criticisms, I love hearing feedback for this. Also, when the Ghouless says there's more to come, you better believe there are more chapters on the way.)**


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